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What a D**k! The Most Annoying FIFA Players


FIFA’s Pro Clubs is often overlooked in favour of the franchise’s flashier and more popular game modes, yet remains an undeniable favourite of ours here at Power Up Gaming HQ. Creating and stylising your own player, co-operating with as many friends as you can get together to create your own team; realising your dreams of becoming a professional footballer (if only in video game form) – what could be better? As far as we’re concerned, you can keep your Ultimate Team and Online Seasons; Pro Clubs is where the true satisfaction of playing FIFA 15 lies.

With all of that said, like everything in FIFA, Pro Clubs isn’t without its hiccups and annoyances. In this case, however, rather than being due to oversights in the game’s programming, most of these irritating facets seem to stem directly from your opponents themselves.

While playing Pro Clubs on FIFA 15, we’ve learnt a lot of things from our opponents; particularly what makes a “cool”-looking player of badass proportions. The techniques listed in this article are the best methods to make you look unique and reveal the green-eyed monster in your opposition… okay, okay; we’re being sarcastic. We present today some of the more irritating things we’ve found plenty of Pro Clubs users doing – probably thinking they’re being incredibly funny and creative, but actually achieving little more than to have us rolling our eyes in exasperation.

Number 69

Oh, the originality of having your Pro sport the number 69 shirt. Out of 99 numbers to choose from, you could have your birthday, the number of your favourite player, or just any number at random – but the majority of people think it’s highly amusing to go straight for the number 69. It’s not. At all. It’s childish; grow up and change it to something else.

Hair Style

The afro; it’s a popular choice amongst those Pro Clubs users who think they’re creating comical players. You know what’s more hilarious than an afro? A blue afro. Failing that, any blue hair will make you look super cool, apparently. Blue not your colour? Ginger always gets a laugh in second place.

Commentary Name

There are hundreds of commentary names to choose from in FIFA 15 that are, for the most part, based on real player names. Occasionally, some real players will have names that some may consider entertaining or vulgar when taken out of context. Naturally, it’s these names certain Pro Clubs players immediately jump on. Names like Siemens, Koch, Bender and Cocaine appear most frequently in our online matches; well done for choosing one of these names over your own – we’re sure your teammates find you hilarious. If you can combine such a name with a blue afro and the number 69 shirt, you get bonus points for creativity!

Oddly-Coloured Wrist Tape

When you unlock coloured wrist tape by completing Pro player objectives, the trendy thing to do is to have one wrist adorned with yellow tape and the other with pink tape, combined with a short-sleeved shirt. This really makes you stand out from the crowd, and is a sure-fire method to make all your friends envious of your creditable fashion sense.

Bright Gloves

For those that don’t fancy wearing wrist tape or prefer long-sleeved shirts, why not go for the brightly-coloured gloves option? Yellow is a particular favourite amongst Pro Clubs’ creative geniuses; it looks like you’re running around the pitch with a pair of marigolds on after doing the pre-match dishes. If they match your yellow kit, then fair enough, but when you’re wearing them for giggles, it does nothing but clash with your black or red kit and make you look like an oddball.

Seattle Sounders FC "Fans"

If you’re a Seattle Sounders fan, then fair enough. But let’s be honest, it’s an ugly blue and green kit and the only reason the majority of gamers choose this kit is because they’re sponsored by Xbox and have the Xbox 360 logo on the front of their shirt. It seems the majority of Seattle fans also own a PS4, as we seldom find them on the Xbox One version of the game. Or could it possibly be because players think they’re being extremely hilarious and, of course, a real badass, by sporting the logo of a Microsoft console on a Sony system?

Messed-up Face

Creating a Pro has always given gamers the opportunity to tweak the facial elements of their player to allow them look more lifelike; make you look like you, if you will. These settings can be abused, though, with countless users creating faces with long, crooked noses, disproportionately small heads, large lips and wide, shark-like eyes. Believe us, it doesn’t tickle anybody and all you’re doing is making yourself look like you’ve been on the losing end of a street fight with a lawnmower. And it’s a Pro you’re going to have to look at every time you play.

Imitating Real Players

Pro Clubs is all about making yourself, or another unique character, and playing with your friends as if you’re an actual footballer. It’s always annoying to see people taking this to the next level by recreating real players as best they can and using them in Pro Clubs matches. Even just using particular player names can be infuriating. Every other match, we seem to bump into a Suarez, a Messi and an Ibrahimovic. Make yourself stand out from the crowd and create yourself, or at least try to be unique; not just another gamer that we all roll our eyes at.

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  • Vulcanproject

    I always created a player close to how I look, just not so big and tall otherwise he would be lumbering slow. People used to create 5 foot 1 midgets a couple years ago which always seemed dumb to me. Yes they could dribble awesome and were the fastest, but I always had someone in the middle about 5 foot 8 because they could still be fast once you had the stats up, dribble well enough and actually jump to head the ball as long as you had positioning.

    Especially if you were playing against a team of midgets!